Closed adoption or sometimes call confidential adoption is basically an adoption where the birthparents’ information is kept as a secret to the adopted family so the adoptive family and the adopted child can’t find the birthparents.
The idea here is that this makes the parents giving away the child, feel better about trying to forget their child. It also avoids them having to face the child later in life when the child may have grown up and goes searching to ‘find’ themselves.
Open adoption, on the other hand, is a form of adoption in which the original parents and the adoptive families can know each other and no information is kept from the adoptive family.
Birthparents can also request photos every once in a while and also able to call and even meet their son or daughter. Now, let’s talk about which is better for who and why.
Pros & Cons of Open vs Closed Adoption
Closed adoption provides confidentiality to the parents giving away the child. They will have no contact from that point on and cannot be traced by the child later. The downside is that you cannot later change your mind. Open adoption allows the blood parents to maintain some level of contact with the child, advise of hereditary disease and ease psychological problems allaround. The disadvantage is that the adopting parents may not be keen to have the intrusion of the blood parents into their lives.
Pros of closed adoption
Like I said above, the adoptive family won’t have any access of the biological parents’ personal information unless the birthparents are ready and agree to share the information to the adopted child and the foster parents.
However, there are some exceptions to keeping the foster parents’ secret personal information hidden from the adoptive family which you can find under “Cons of closed adaption”.
All that said, most of the time there is often no information about the father of the child to share to the adoptive parents. This is because most people who plan to give their child away are women with an unwanted pregnancy who either want an abortion because either the dad died or left. The father may just be irresponsible and give all the responsibility to the mother.
So quite often there’s no information about the father of the child, even on the birth certificate of the baby.
• Your child is safer if someone is trying to harm them
Extending on confidentiality, if you have a violent family member or friend or maybe a stranger who is trying to cause harm to your baby then a closed adoption might be the way to go.
It means that whoever is trying to hurt your beloved son or daughter will not be able to get any information whatsoever to where your children went.
Cons of closed adoption
• There is only one chance
Once your child is completely adopted by another family, you have no legal rights to parent him/her. Once it’s done it’s over.
So I highly recommend taking at least a few months to decide whether or not to abandon your child. This also applies to open adoption and every other type of adoption.
So basically, if you sign adoption contracts legally then it means that you give away your parental rights to the child. So by law, you are now no longer the child’s parent.
• Birthparents won’t be able to contact or see your child
As I mentioned above, all of your parental rights are removed so legally, you are not the child’s parent anymore.
Unlike in an open adoption, you are not able to visit your children or be visited by your children mostly because you don’t know anything about your child and your child probably doesn’t know anything about you either.
So even if you were in the same building as your child then you probably wouldn’t even notice him or her when he accidentally falls over right next to you.
Anyway, basically closed adoption is the incognito mode of abandoning children.
If you don’t want anything to do with the child or if you want to keep the child extremely safe from attackers then this is the adoption to go for.
I really do not recommend abandoning your own child, if you have a choice then don’t do it because there is a high likliehood you will come to regret your decision in time.
On the other hand, in some cases, adoption is the best way forward because it could help save the children’s life and soul.
Pros of open adoption
• Children don’t have to search for their biological parents
Most children, once they know that they’re adopted then they are likely to go look for their real parents as they mature. It is a natural thing to wonder who your mother and fatehr were, where you came from and the history of your family.
Having the chance to get some closure on this deep psychological matter is a great benefit to the child. It may also be a great benefit to the parent giving away the child who often feels very remorseful later in life.
The only people who may not see so much benefit are the adoptive parents who may resent the intrusion of the blood parents. For this reason, it is probably best if contact is not too frequent, especially personal contact. The use of email or post is a good way to stay in touch whilst maintaining some distance.
It all depends on the personalities involved of course. Humans are a funny lot and some are quite intolerably mean, others much too kind, some melancholy and sad and others who are happy go lucky and don’t let things phase them too much.
Open adoption allows the children and their birth parents to meet their biological parents and call them to keep in touch. They can even visit each other.
• Positive & Healthy relationships
Instead of having psychological mind problems because children hate their parents for leaving them to foster care without a single person that knows the child.
Healthy relationships are really important to everyone.
And how to not have a healthy relationship? Don’t hate your parents. Unfortunately, you can’t pick your parents as it is something you can’t control.
Psychological problems can mess with a person’s mind though.
Who knows the abandoned child may become a serial killer or some kind of criminal. Be aware of your personal responsibilities regardless of the events that led you there.
• Unexpected diseases warning
If you stay in touch with the child’s birth parents, the symptoms that the biological parents may develop might be a sign to a serious disease.
Nature has it that if the mother or father has a disease then it might be possible that the child also has a disease.
If the adoption was open then the information can be passed on possibly allowing the child to receive early treatment and avoid pain and suffering.
Cons of open adoption
• Birthparents may not want to be reminded about it
Open adoption keeps you active with your son or daughter so that you don’t create psychological problems for the children.
But unlike the closed adaption, open adoption is not about abandoning your child and just disappearing, abrogating your responsibilities.
It’s a more mature way to deal with having a baby that you can’t feed and take care of. But not being able to take care fo does not mean not wanting to take care of or not caring. Sometimes the fact that you do love the child is the very reason you may send them to a better place but still try to keep in touch with them.
So if you’re planning to just run away from the problem then open adoption is not for you. Is it the right thing to do though?
• The birth parents will lose their right as a parent
Once again the biological parents will lose rights. But for an open adoption, it’s in a less harsh way.
This means you can talk and meet up with your child as friends to keep their minds straight. But not as a parent.
I think life can be very cruel sometimes and unfair. I guess life is not meant to be fair, it’s just there and we have to make the best we can to make things good.
As humanity progresses one has to wonder what progress it is because all around me I see society not getting much better. We all seem to be running faster to get nowhere except an early grave and growing further apart from each other in society. Why are humans so selfish?
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